YuGiOh Torture Chamber!
by H-Goddess
Summary: Just like the title says, pure Yu-Gi-Oh toture! Just plain pointless and Tea-bashing.
1. In the Beginning

Yu-Gi-Oh Torture Chamber! Chapter 1: Invitation!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or any of its characters (nooooo! Kaiba!). So please don't sue me or I'll get my Kuribohs to attack you. Kuriboh! Go! . . . Silence . Aah, forget it.  
  
~*~*~  
  
" Hey Yugi! Look at what I got!" a bigheaded blonde (Jou: What?! Tristan has a bigger head than I do.) headed towards a punk wanna-be little midget. As seeing how it's obvious they are friends, they greeted each other with 100-watt smiles.  
  
" Jounouchi! Whatcha got there?" Yugi asked, pointing his shorter-than- average finger at the tawdry paper his friend was holding.  
  
" I don't know. I was coming home from the Porn Video Shop and I found this on my mailbox," he gave the paper to his dwarf-like friend (Yugi: OK. I GET the point!) and he started reading out loud the words scribbled inside.  
  
Welcome, Jounouchi Katsuya, to the Duel Monsters Island League Version 2.00000000000000000000000..(and goes on). You have been observed by special (Yugi: I can't read this word!) to go onto the League filled with (Yugi: Can't read this word either) to have fun and increase your Dueling skills!  
  
" Well, I'm guessing that this is an invitation to another Dueling Tournament for people that duel with skill," Yugi said," Why didn't I get it? I'm a good duelist, even better than you!"  
  
(Author's note: Yami Yugi's winning streak must have gone to his head)  
  
" Yugi, you helped me last time to get on the previous tournament, so this time, I'll help you get on this one!" Jou said with confidence.  
  
" Oh Jounouchi-kun, you would?" said Yugi (add adorable puppy eyes here).  
  
" Yup. You can take my word for it," replied Jou. Then they stared at each other with yaoi lust until the Author got seriously mental and knocked them out with a mallet.  
  
What is this invitation? And why has Yugi suddenly taken a liking to Jou? Find out, in the next chapter!  
  
~*~*~  
  
Did you guys like it? It's gay, huh? I tried to make it funny as possible. ::sniff:: Please review~! ^__^ 


	2. Rendezvous

Chapter 2: Rendezvous

Sniff* People "actually" read my fic…I'm touched…hee hee. I'll make this chapter pretty long so I won't have to write several tiny chapters.

Enjoy! ^_^;;

~*~*~

So as our lovable hero, Yugi and his just as lovable friend, Jounouchi, were about to get ready for the "fun" trip that will take them to the Duel Monsters Island League Version 2.00000000000000000…(and goes on), they met up with our two other lovable friends, Tristan, who seemed to be busy facing the wall and err.., shooting built-in water guns, and Tea, practicing for her next friggin "Friendship" speech as well as measuring surges. XD 

(Author's Note: I'm sounding awfully corny today…)

" Wow Tristan! Your piss is going 40 miles per hour!" said Tea.

" Oh really?" asked Tristan. " Hyuuh.., lookie Tea, I can write graffiti with this thing," and so he did. After a few "directing", he managed to write a sloppy " Fuck you bitch" on the already muddled wall. Good thing it was made up of perennial concrete.

" Tristan! Tea! Betcha you can't guess what I got in the mail!" yelled Jou.

" Whoaaaaaa, Jou, you got the "Girls Gone Wild" video already?" exclaimed Tristan, ready to ransack his backpack for such an erratic material. 

" No, you bastard! Why would I buy such a thing?" (Author coughs loudly). " Here's what I meant," and he gave the, yes, TAWDRY piece of paper to them. After examining if for 2 hours, Tristan says one thing:

" I can't read."

Sooooooo, after a few moments of explanation, the two decide to go as well, just like last time.

Awww.., I want friends like these! X_X

~*~*~

" Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~!" an I'm-going-into-puberty like voice echoed throughout KaibaCorp.

I kinda gave away who that character was, right?

Anyhoo, it WAS Seto Kaiba, but can this be? Kaiba-sama can't act like, well, _that_

" Master Kaiba? Sir…," said the guy that looks a lot like Billy from third grade except that this dude has a triple chin. You know who I mean, the guy who asked Yugi's gramps to duel Kaiba. " There's, uh.., mail for you, sir."

Seeing that Kaiba wasn't responding, he forcefully entered his "Master's" room. And there, Kaiba was dancing around in his Fruit of the Loom undies (Author: *Drools*) with his stereo blasting the windows of his capacious room and singing nonsense barbaric tribe ritual songs O_o...

" MASTER KAIBA SIR!" with this Adam's apple throbbing like an opera singer on crack, the Billy wanna-be finally gave Kaiba a clue what he was doing. Now serene, he turned off his 6'7" stereo and put on normal attire.

"Yes? What do you want SERVANT?" Kaiba-sama emphasized the word *SERVANT*. " You have interrupted me in my moments of climax. No more blowjobs for you."

The poor Billy wanna-be, evidently petrified of his master acting so UN-Kaibaish, just left the mail on the table and ran away screaming like a little girl.

Oy, I'm TIRED of writing! Presume a few days went by…

Yugi, Jou, Tea, and Tristan are at the harbor, waiting for the ship.

" Heh, it's like when we went to the Duel Monsters Tournament last year," said Tristan.

" …heart of the cards…", "…beat his ass…", "..friends stick together!" (A/N: sorta obvious who said this, ne? =) and then finally, someone actually said a notable quote:

" Hey, isn't that Kaiba?"

Kaiba, with his acute sense of hearing and everything else, heard the New Yorker accent clearly from Jounouchi. Realizing Yugi Mutou was there, he quickly hid his Chupa Chups and tried to look as sophisticated as he can.

Will they reach the island without starting a fight with Kaiba? And why is Kaiba acting like this? And just where did the Billy wanna-be except that he has a triple-chin servant run off too?…Don't ask me! I'm not psychic! XD

~*~*~

Just please review…


	3. On A Ship

Chapter 3: On the…Ship

Whoa, I haven't updated in a while, ne? After waiting several months for at least one new review, H-Goddess-sama gave up and decided she wants to finish this and kill herself after finishing this damn fic. Woe is me, woe is me….PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! My life depends on it! T.T. If I get at least 3 reviews, all of you shall be rewarded with a lifetime supply of Pocky( anou…, that is, if I can pay for it…). 

~*~*~

"KAIBA IS HERE?!" Jou yelled in his naturally loud voice. _Everybody_ knows how much Jou hates Kaiba-sama, right?……………………..

( A/N: I have this tendency to talk to myself ever since I had seizures. Forewarning, folks.)

"Jounouchi-kun, don't be so LOUD," said Tea. She seemed unusually happy with Kaiba's appearance. Ohhhhhhhhhh, that bitch! ….Anyway, no matter what Tea said, nothing could break Jou's death glare at Kaiba 

"Hmmph!" Kaiba just stared back at the teen with a disinterested look. Of course, physically, Kaiba was able to keep his air of conceit, but internally, his intensified doses of sugar had increased his hyperness. Poor Kaiba-sama. He was suffering from toomuchsugar-itis.

"Will all duelists and other freeloaders( Tristan: Uh..Tea, Yugi, I think we've been caught…) please go to the lobby( Jou: Lobby? Lobbies on ships?) for instructions and other whatsitmabobs?" The speaker on the top left on this page played a recorded message. Yugi and co. obeyed and left Kaiba in the port. Kaiba, who had been holding his breath the whole time, trying his best not to say something that will mortify him forever, let out a huge sigh of relief and after a few doses of pepper spray on his @#$%^, went into the ship as well.

Yes, I'm trying to keep this a PG-13 fic. I will try not to use bad and/or vulgar language. 

NOT

Anyhoo, everyone went into the "lobby" and sat in those comfy expensive Victorian chairs you only see on TV and waited for someone or something to happen.

Yes, indeed something did happen! A beautiful lady, dressed in full medieval England apparel, came out into the "lobby". She was so beautiful, she even made Tea get a boner!…Right…

"Duelists," the beautiful lady spoke with an impressive voice, "freeloaders," she paused to look at Tea, "and wanna-be's, welcome to Duel Monster Island League Version 2.000000000000...(and so on)." She smiled triumphantly to know that she had finished a sentence. She frowned, "Unfortunately, the 'master' of this tournament has not prepared a speech for me and…I FORGOT MY LINES!" She started crying hysterically and ran out of the "lobby", leaving everyone dumfounded.

The lady came back. "Oh yeah! I forgot to introduce your captain! He's-"

"Please, please, Doddy( where did I get this name? I dunno!)," interrupted a too familiar snobby voice, "I can introduce myself very well, thanks."

Yugi stood up almost immediately and his spiky hair became more erect than usual. "It's.., it's Pegasus!"

~*~*~

*Gasp!* Oh lordy lordy! What shall our fellow duelists do? Run for cover? Play strip poker? Sharpen my pencil? Deary me, it's all up to you heroes to review this and inspire me to write more!…………Yeah right……………

I suck at writing!


	4. Shipwrecked!

Chapter 4: Shipwrecked!

Hey! I got EXACTLY 3 reviews! You peoples! All you care is about pockys, not my story, huh?! Ah, seemed to be the case anyway. Here pocky. *Throws some* and review puh-leaze! T.T. I would be honored if you even flamed my story! Flame all you want! XD. And for those of you who asked, of course Bakura-sama will be here! Just..in another chapter or so…

~*~*~

"Oh, hello Yugi-boy." said Pegasus. ( Author: *Whacks Pegasus* That is SO annoying!) (Pegasus: Ok, Author-boy) (Author: *Whack* )

"P-Pegasus, what are you doing here?!" Yugi said angrily.

"What do you think I'm doing? I'm getting paid for being a captain, that's all," said Pegasus, dramatically moving his arms saying so.

"B-but, if you are the captain, who's steering the ship?" asked Jou bluntly. And THEN it got to everyone that the ship was not controlled by the captain.

BOOM!

The ship had crashed into…something! Water began pouring in deeply from its side and our characters began screaming bloody murder and running in a daze.

Except Kaiba of course. 

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Waves!

The sting started to hurt Yugi's bare back. It was…light. He slowly got up to see that he was on a nice sandy beach on an island. He closed his eyes for a moment to remember what happened: He was on a ship, and it crashed into something and now he was on an island. He opened his eyes to see that his friends were still lying unconscious around him.

Guess who he went to first?

"JOUNOUCHI!" Yugi yelled as he ran to his friend clutching his ears from the unexpected noise. Yugi helped Jou up as he shook his head.

"Ugh…,Yugi, what the hell just happened?" Jou asked softly.

"I-I don't know…let's wake Tristan up," said Yugi.

"TRISTAN!" Yugi yelled as he ran to his friend who jumped because of the unexpected noise. Tristan then closed his eyes.

"Awww man! I was having such a nice dream with girls dancing without their tops..," Tristan began drooling at the corner of his mouth. Jou whacked him out of his daydream.

"Jou, should we wake Tea up?" asked Yugi innocently.

Jou looked at the fallen brunette, and then the angry glare of the audience. "No, Yugi. I don't think so." And they left without waking the girl. God, was that the sweetest thing. 

Now our characters can have a heavenly adventure without the loud-mouth. 

But…

A strong gust of wind stopped the boys in their tracks. Five Paul Frank monkeys fully equipped with medieval armor and weapons stood in front of their way. After some garbling to each other, they started to attack the heroes.

"Gyaaaaaaaaaah!" Jou screamed in pain as two monkeys pulled his humongous hair. The other two struggled as well until the monkeys threw a smoke bomb and caused them to fall unconscious again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dreams!

"Ogh…," Yugi got up again to find that now, he was in some kind of dungeon not properly taken care of. As always, he woke his friends with his unexpected screams and looked around. It was a huge dungeon that smelled like deodorant left in the sun for too long.

Yugi glanced around until he saw a mirror. But Yugi wasn't standing up, and he wasn't that hot either( XD)! It was…(insert drum roll here) Yami Yugi!

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Both the Yugi's yelled as they saw their alter ego. Usually, Yami merged with Yugi's own soul but this time, Yami Yugi had a body of his own to control.

"Chikusho! Just when I thought I was rid of you for good!" yelled Yami Yugi in rage. He sighed, "I have protect your wimpy ass again."

Yugi ignored the remark and his eyes pinpointed to another soul. He had a silver hair, a mean look on his face, and a freakishly sexy body. It was…(insert drum roll again) Yami Bakura! He was next to our lovely boy Ryou-chan, who seemed to be unconscious.

"Y-Yami Bakura?" Yugi asked questionably. How can their Yami's be in the same dimensions as they were? Unless they were in the Shadow Realm!

"Hmmph!" Yami Bakura kinda stared at Yugi in his sexy lil ignorant way and pouted.

"Uhh…," Kawaii lil Bakura started rising up from his slumber.

"Bakura! Are you okay?" Jou ran up to suppot Bakura's head.

"Ohh..," Bakura slightly groaned, " I don't feel so virgin anymore…"

O_O;;;; "Did the author do this to you?" Jou asked.( Bakura Fans: NANI?!)

BOOM!( Again)

"Dammit! You guys are so annoying!" An unknown person boomed through the second floor look out.

"Agh! You are-" Yugi pointed out.

"Yeah, I'm the author, you little twit!" (I just HAD to put myself here. Who else is torturing them but me?)

Jou suddenly got brave and actually had the courage to yell at the author. "What the hell are you trying to do to us?!"

The Author just blinked in boredom. "I'm writing a fanfic aren't I?"

"Well, where are we?!" Jou yelled again

The Author smiled( evilly! Muha!) " You are in the heart of the Yu-Gi-Oh Toture Chamber!"

~*~*~

Gasp! I actually got to the point where I torture my precious Yu-Gi-Oh boys! Hooray! Alright, the 5th person to review this shithole gets a date with Squall Leonhart from Final Fantasy VIII! Good Luck! 


End file.
